One Woman's Journey to Finding Her Voice as She Unpacked All the Trauma That She Endured in Her Emotionally, Verbally and Mentally Abusive Marriage
Nonfiction / Memoir
Date Published: December 14, 2022
Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
The Hidden Cries Behind Her Smile is a book filled with journal entries from one woman’s journey of discovering that she was living in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive marriage. In this book you will find some of her deepest and rawest emotions as she began to unpack all of the pain that this abuse had left on her mind and her heart. This type of abuse is one that is not talked about a lot because you cannot see the marks that it leaves on one’s body. In the pages of this book the writer paints a picture of the wounds and the scars that emotional, mental and verbal abuse does to a person’s heart and mind. You can almost hear her cries as you read through her journal entries, the cries that were hidden behind her smile for so long.
About
my writing journey:
I
began consistently writing in 2015. During this time, the Lord had called me to
a mission field and I could not say no. This call changed my life forever. The Bible
became more alive to me than it ever had been in my life. I had always read the
Bible and devotionals but during this season of my life I began understanding
the Bible on a deeper level. The Lord began speaking to me in a way that I had
never heard Him before. This began the writing journey for me, as I began to
write a devotional book.
In
2017 a new revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. Throughout my marriage I had
always known that something wasn’t right in my relationship but I never quite
knew what it was. It wasn’t until 2017, 25 years into my marriage, that I began
to discover that I was in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive marriage.
During this time, I began doing research on the topic of emotional, mental and verbal abuse. This new revelation began opening up many painful wounds inside of me as it painted a new picture of what my marriage had done to me emotionally, mentally and physically. To express my feelings, I began writing about the pain that was surfacing inside of me. From anger to sadness. From numbness to strength. From despair to hope. And from feeling unloved to finding my worth in Christ. Those were the feelings that came pouring out of me as the words flooded onto the pages in front of me. During this season in my life I knew that I wasn’t the only one who was going through the deep pain of this hidden abuse, which led to my desire to put my writings into a book to share with others. My hope is that my words will help others feel seen who are living in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive relationship. My prayer is that those who read my words will know that they are not alone as they navigate through healing from this painful and hidden abuse.
About
my book:
Alone…is
a horrible place to be and a devastating thing to feel. The feeling of complete
seclusion can tear a person apart. It can leave a gaping hole so big in your
heart that you feel extremely hollow inside. We were never meant to live this
life that we have been given alone. Many times, we feel as though no one will
ever understand the trauma that we have been through. We think, “If only people
knew what I was going through, they would think so differently of me.” Our
walls go up when we feel as though no one would understand. The walls begin to
form layer by layer until we are barricaded behind walls within our hearts as
thick as Fort Knox. It becomes nearly impossible for anyone to chisel the walls
down and enter the sacred parts of us that are tucked so safely away.
Being
in an emotionally abusive relationship can impact your life in so many negative
ways, leaving you feeling unsure of any thought that you may have. You begin to
second-guess everything that you feel, and your confidence is completely
destroyed, for your abuser will minimize everything you say and make you out to
be the bad guy in every single situation.
My
book is filled with journal entries from my journey of discovering that I was
living in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive marriage. In my book,
you will find some of my deepest and rawest emotions as I began to unpack all
the pain that this abuse had left on my mind and my heart. In each journal entry,
you will hear my heart’s cry as I began to understand exactly what I was going
through as the veil was being lifted from my eyes that I was indeed being
abused. This type of abuse is one that is not talked about a lot because you
cannot see the marks that it leaves on one’s body. In the pages of my book I
paint a picture of the wounds and the scars that emotional, mental and verbal
abuse does to a person’s heart and mind. You can almost hear my cries as you
read through my journal entries, the cries that were hidden behind my smile for
so long.
My
message for readers:
If
you are in an abusive relationship, I pray that as you read my book that you
will feel validated. My prayer is that you will begin to come out of hiding and
have the courage and strength to know that you are not alone. My prayer is that
the walls around you will begin to crumble, and you will begin to know that you
are beautiful. You are loved. You are cherished. You are valuable. You have a
powerful voice. And you are seen. I see you. God sees you.
In
each journal entry in my book, you will hear my heart’s cry as I began to
understand exactly what I was going through as the veil was being lifted from
my eyes that I was indeed being abused. I pray that you feel seen and
understood by me. You will also find Bible verses included in some of my
entries, God’s personal love letters to us, which I pray will help you feel
seen by Him.
There
is such bravery and courage when you step into healing and seek counsel. I
encourage you, if you haven’t already, to find a safe place to unpack your
heart, whether it is with a counselor or a pastor. You will find a new strength
welling up within you when you find the courage to go to that place you are
afraid of that is buried deep beneath the surface of your heart and soul. A
place that is hidden from the world and oftentimes hidden even from you. A
place that is sacred and guarded with thick steel walls and padlocks on the
doors. A place where pain and heartache reside. A place where your hurts have been
placed so that you could survive. A place where tears are hidden away because
there was no validation for your feelings. A place where rivers of sorrow are
on the verge of escape because you know you must release it or else you will
never make it. It is not weakness to seek help. It takes so much strength to go
into a place of such despair and to repair all that is broken. It takes courage
to face the things that have been stored away for so long. It takes bravery to
walk into a vault of unknown boxes and stand before each one and unpack them.
It takes a massive amount of strength, courage, and bravery to lay down the
shield that has been protecting you for so long and face the heartache that has
been hidden inside of you. I believe in you! You are worth the fight to heal! I
pray that you discover your voice as you read the pages of my book. I pray that
you feel seen as you begin to unpack all that is within you.
~She
gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me.”
(Genesis
16:13
About the Author
Felicity is a woman who was married at the age of 19 and has been married for 30 years. She has devoted three decades of her life to her husband and kids, being a stay at home mom, homemaker and home schooling her children. Throughout her marriage she always knew that something wasn’t right in her relationship but she never quite knew what it was. It wasn’t until 25 years into her marriage that she began to discover that she was in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive relationship. During this time she began doing research on the topic of emotional, mental and verbal abuse. This new revelation began opening up many painful wounds inside of her as it painted a new picture of what her marriage had done to her emotionally, mentally and physically. To express her feelings she began writing about the pain that was surfacing inside of her. During this season in her life she knew that she wasn’t the only one who was going through the deep pain of this hidden abuse, which led to her desire to put her writings into a book to share with others. Her hope is that her words will help others feel seen who are living in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive relationship. Her prayer is that those who read her words will know that they are not alone as they navigate through healing from this painful and hidden abuse.
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